And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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