the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i barfeds in our rink
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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