HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
