You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
