i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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