New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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