Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
