3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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