If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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