I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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