yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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