yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
