we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
