oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
