over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I don't deserve a penis
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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