also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
