Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
