i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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