You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
