ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
