I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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