I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
