also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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