For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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