did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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