I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
