I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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