Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
