Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
