I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
