I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
