Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
