dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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