There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
