How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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