I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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