I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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