I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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