1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
