I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
