I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
