we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
