Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
