he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I have aggressive nipples.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
