This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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