apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
