foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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