I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
