Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
