This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
