Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize