i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
