Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
