508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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