sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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