the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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