Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
