he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
