i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Randomize
