he thought i was a dude.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
