tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
