ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
