Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
