God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
