Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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