Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
