I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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