fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize