I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
