The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
