there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
