Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
