hotel room ftw
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Couch. On fire.
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